I Hate Hollywood

Whay isn't anyone leaving comments on my blog?

2005-01-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

If you like what you see here let me know by posting comments and please be sure to bookmark me. Also be sure to check out my archives to catch some of my earlier thoughts on people that we love to hate.

Thanks,

Dan

2005-01-07T07:32:00.000-08:00

Promises Promises

Paris Hilton is unfortunately still alive

2005-01-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

Paris Hilton promoted P Diddy's ridiculous "Vote of Die" campaign leading up to the 2004 Presidential Election by agreeing to be photographed wearing one of his shirts. It has come to my attention that Hilton ( in a very Affleckian way) failed to register for, and vote in, the election.

I hate when these mindless celebrities preach to me about the importance of voting and then fail to take their own advice. Here is an idea, sit down and shut up. Are you paying attention Ben? I do vote and I don't need any Hollywood nit-wit to remind me to do so. Any boob that actually needs Paris Hilton to remind them to vote is probably too stupid to find their way to the election post.

I am not that upset that she didn't vote in the 2004 elections what I am really upset by is the fact that she didn't live up to her end of the bargain and die.

Richard Gere Palestinian Political Activist

2005-01-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

Hollywood actor Richard Gere has decided to throw his hat into the international political ring and has gone ahead and made an 80 second television commercial which will be aired on Palestinian TV and Arabic satellite channels urging Palestinians to vote in the upcoming elections.

Mr. Gere taped the commercial with Sheik Taissir Tamimi (the head of the Islamic court in the West Bank and the Gaza strip) and Atallah Hanna (a spokesperson for the Greek orthodox Church in Jerusalem). Gere was quoted as saying "Hi, I'm Richard Gere and I'm speaking for the entire world. We're with you during this election time. It's really important: Get out and vote".

I am happy to know that Gere is not only speaking on my behalf but also for the rest of the world. He is a very important man after all. One has to wonder why Gere would possibly think that the Palestinians give a shit about his opinion when the people in the United States don't. Didn't Hollywood learn anything from the 2004 Presidential election? Just stay out of politics nobody cares what you think!

In a surprising move Variety Magazine has just agreed to hire Sheik Taissir Tamimi to write movie reviews and the producers of American Idol have decided to can Simon Cowell and replace him with Atallah Hanna for the upcoming season.

Developing....

Skank to Swank

2005-01-05T08:26:00.001-08:00

I couldn't help but post these before and after pictures of Paris Hilton. Amazing what money can do. This woman gives new meaning to the term dirty blonde.

2005-01-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

skank to swank

2005-01-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

Yankees hired gun Kid Rock...I mean Randy Johnson

Johnson the Yank can Yank my Johnson

2005-01-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

Bud Selig approved a trade that would allow the Yankees to acquire Randy Johnson by moving Shawn Green from LA to Arizona in exchange for a pair of young Arizona prospects to be named later (most likely Dioner Navarro and William Juarez). The Dodgers will have to pick up $8 million of Green's contract and Johnson has to approve a Yankees extension clause.

Many people are now saying that the Johnson signing makes the Red Sox the underdog. I say great, that is the only way we know how to play. Beating the Yankees in 2005 will be all the sweeter knowing that they have bought themselves 17 all stars on their 25 man roster.

This acquisition only makes the rivalry stronger and I like looking down at them from above as they try desperately to try to knock us off of the top of the hill.

Bring it on Randy!

Hollywood New Year's Resolutions

2005-01-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

I caught up with a few of my favorite people today and asked them to share with me their New Year's Resolutions.

Donald Trump "I am going to try my best to use my Atlantic City casinos to finance as much Indonesian beachfront real estate as I can get my hands on in 2005".

Paris Hilton "I am going to try to turn off the video camera whenever I go down on someone this year".

Barbra Streisand "I vow to finally make my opinions public in 2005. It's like Shakespeare said the squeaky wheel gets the oil".

Sean Penn "I plan to make a concerted effort to reach out to my fellow man in the coming year. Now get the fuck out of my face"!

Nicole Richie "I plan on helping poor people in countries like Africa in the coming year".

Lindsay Lohan "I don't know why people ask me about New Year's Revolutions every year. I mean what are the chances of that happening? We haven't had one of those in this country since like...Tom Revere and that was like...a hundred years ago. Can I bum a smoke"?

Camryn Manheim "This year I plan on exposing Jenny Craig for being the lying bitch that she is".

Martha Stewart "I plan on looking up Ellen Degeneris when I get out of here".

Patrick Swayze "I am going to kick Richard Simmons' ass at some point in 2005. I'm tough you know".

Tim Robbins "I am thinking about taking a seat on Yukos Oil's board in the New Year. They are doing some very interesting things there. President Bush could learn a thing or two from those guys".

Julia Roberts "I resolve to keep my children out of the public eye...unless my boxoffice starts to slip."

Whitney Houston " Bobby and I are going to try to actually care for our children in 2005".

Susan Serandon " I vow to leave the country if Bush loses the election in 2005".

2004-12-28T13:10:00.000-08:00

Hollywood Hottie Whoopi Goldberg

Whoopi Goldberg

2004-12-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

Who put a pubic hair on my Slim Fast?

Deductive Reasoning 101. Today's lesson: Whoopi Goldberg. Comedians who are not funny are the most annoying people in Hollywood. Hollywood celebrities are the most annoying people in the world. Whoopi Goldberg is the least funny of all the comedians that I have ever listened to (yes even worse than Billy Crystal and Sinbad). Therefore Whoopi Goldberg is the world's most annoying person.

Whoopi Goldberg has never said one thing that made me laugh. Not one! I find that amazing. This woman became a success in show business as a comedian despite the fact that she is not funny. I really can not figure this one out.

She certainly didn't make it big based on her looks. Whoopi Goldberg makes Bette Midler look like Sharon Stone. At www.celebritybattles.com she ranked 4,048 out of 4,163 candidates in the "which girl is hotter" category. Let's put this into perspective, the public has determined that 4,047 females in the public eye were deemed to be hotter than she. On the bright side Whoopi can hold her head high knowing that beauties such as Linda Tripp, Rosie O'Donnell, Miss Piggy and Aunt Jemima were among the 115 people that she beat.

This oracle of Hollywood recently called President Bush "dumb" at a fundraiser for John Kerry. Hey Whoopdog, those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. According to her bio at E! Online, she dropped out of Washington Irving High School in NYC after only 2 weeks of classes in the 9th grade. She was obviously so smart that she felt that a high school education was a waste of her time. You can check this bio by clicking here http://www.eonline.com/Facts/People/Bio/0,128,211,00.html. What is even more interesting is that A&E's Biography.com http://www.biography.com/search/article.jsp?aid=9314384&page=4&search= claims that Goldberg holds a Ph.D. in literature from New York University. Isn't that strange? How can a woman that dropped out of high school in the 9th grade earn a doctorate degree from a nationally renowned university like NYU? Something stinks here. Not only is she a loud mouth, I believe that she is also a fraud.

Dr. Goldberg's recent dim-witted analogy between the President's last name and her pubic growth prompted Slim Fast to fire her as their spoke person. I am not sure what made me happier the fact that she was fired or the fact that she was the spokesperson for Slim Fast to begin with.

As for her career, things are not looking as good as they used to. We all know how the Slim Fast thing worked out for her. Her TV show Whoopi supposedly had 15.1 million viewers tuned in for the season premier last year, yet NBC canceled it after only one season. She also had the pleasure of hosting the 74th Academy Awards show last year which received the lowest ratings in its history (I don't think that she's waiting for them to call again). The Hollywood Squares was also cancelled. I am having trouble remembering how many former "center squares" went on to big things after that gig ended for them. But on the bright side, Hollywood Squares has usually been a springboard into shows such as Celebrity Boxing on Fox and the The Surreal Life on VH1 so that should give her something to shoot for.

I think that her recent political rants were designed to generate attention and to stop the bleeding of her mortally wounded career, but I guess that it was too little too late. Don't worry Whoopi, I hear that Chevy Chase is looking for a golf partner.

2004-12-23T13:20:00.000-08:00

Hollywood Tough Guy Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayze

2004-12-23T11:51:00.000-08:00

Patrick Swayze has made a name for himself in Hollywood playing tough guys. I love when Hollywood insults my intelligence. Am I the only person bothered by this?

Patrick Swayze is by far the toughest ballerina in Hollywood. My sources tell me that he was the most feared man on campus at the rough and tumble Harkness Ballet Theater School in New York. Apparently the Harkness School is no joke. This is where the most street hardened bad asses in the ballet world are sent after being thrown out of all of the other ballet schools across America. Some have come to call it the ballet school of last resort. The word on the street is that you have to find the biggest badest ballerina in the school and give him a serious ass kicking on the first day to let the other students know that you are not to be messed with. If one is not willing to do this, he risks becoming the school bitch. Tossed salad anyone?

As the story goes, On Swayze's first day at Harkness he spotted Francois LeBlanc, a hulking specimen of a man that was rumored to be the meanest S.O.B. around. His towering 5'6" frame packed 138 lbs of solid muscle, but despite LeBlanc's menacing physique, Swayze knew what had to be done. At lunchtime, when the cafeteria filled to capacity, Swayze quickly moved in on LeBlanc knowing that he had to make his presence known when everyone was looking. Once Swayze got within a few feet of his victim he reached around to the back of his waist band and removed a curling iron that he had stolen from the make up room and concealed in his tights. As he raised the curling iron over his head he screamed out as loud as his tiny lungs would permit, saying "take this BEE-ATCH"! He then proceeded to beat LeBlanc into an unconscious bloody heap.

Being top dog in a place like Harkness was no walk in the park. From time to time a new student would try to test Swayze in order to establish himself within the ranks of the hardened ballerinas. But being the tough guy that we all know Swayze to be, he never backed down from a challenge and he never lost a fight.

After leaving Harkness with a degree in twirling, Swayze headed straight to Hollywood, determined to make it big. He knew that the path of least resistance would be to take on rolls where he could be a tough guy. Despite his lack of acting credentials, the Hollywood brass immediately felt his ferocious aura and began casting him as an ass kicker.

Some of his early work includes The Outsiders, Red Dawn, Youngblood, Tiger Warsaw, Next of Kin and Road House. These rolls were all very similar. Swayze plays a tough guy with an attitude that nobody in their right mind wants to tangle with. Who can forget the scene where this little ballerina of a man easily dispatches of Terry Funk the 6'2" 250 lb. professional wrestler in the movie Road House. Pure cinematic magic.

Swayze reached Hollywood super star status when the movie Dirty Dancing hit the theatres in 1987. His character Johnny Castle made ladies heart skip a beat when this misunderstood tough guy of a summer camp dance instructor proved to the whole world that he could hold a small woman, nearly his own size, up over his head for 5 seconds. I have to admit, I was very impressed.

We have not heard from Mr. Swayze in quite a while, but fear not. I am sure that Hollywood is awash with scripts calling for a 5'6" tough guy who can dance.

2004-12-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

This picture was taken directly from VH1's I Love the 70s web site.

Bette Midler

2004-12-22T06:01:00.000-08:00

I almost fell off my chair last night as I was watching I Love the 70's on VH1. They named Bette Midler one of the 3 Foxy Ladies of 1979. I know that drug use was prevalent in 1979. I would like to know what the producers of this show were smoking back then and even more importantly, are they still smoking it today? Proclaiming Bette Midler to be one of the 3 most Foxy Ladies of 1979 is such a bad call I have to believe that there is more to the story. The producer of that show must have lost a bet with a college friend or something.

This episode of I Love the 70s reminded me a lot of the "Bizzaro" episode of Seinfeld.
"Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives."
"Shouldn't he say badbye? Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?"
"No, it's still goodbye."
"Does he live underwater?"
"No."
"Is he black?"
"Look, just forget the whole thing."

Trying to figure out how Bette Midler could possibly be "foxy" is like trying to ponder how light bends in a vacuum. It gives me a really bad headache. Ms. Midler shares this honor with Sally Field and Erin Gray. I wonder how they feel about being lumped into her "foxy" category.

A sure fire way to keep a straight man out of a movie theatre is to feature a film starring Bette Midler. I guess that she seems like a nice person and she has talent (which is more than I can say fro most of the people on this site) but I simply can not bring myself to pay hard earned money to sit and look at her for any extended length of time. She reminds me of a solar eclipse. For some unknown reason millions of people line up to look despite the fact that looking directly at it could be detrimental to one's health and cause serious damage to the eyes.

I suppose that men should thank her for providing a forum in which the women in our lives can go out with their friends without the worry of a straight man trying to hit on them. It is really a win-win situation I suppose. The ladies have some harmless female fun and the guys get to watch the ball game at home without constantly being asked "what are you thinking about"?

I can not attack Bette Midler with nearly the same vigor as I have with other celebrities on this site. That being said, I can not sit on the sidelines and say nothing while VH1 proclaims to the world that she was hot in 1979. I would like to set the record straight. Bette Midler was not hot in 1979 and she is not hot today. This woman broke into show business performing for gay men in gay bath houses with Barry Manilow as her pianist. Gay men are great at many things I suppose but identifying hot women is not one of them. Please leave that to us straight guys as it is one of only a few things that we do well and seem to show universal interest in.

Chevy Chase

2004-12-17T09:28:00.000-08:00

It really bothers me when aging actors attempt to re-introduce themselves to younger generations by attacking the President. That is exactly what Chevy Chase did 2 nights ago during an awards ceremony hosted by the liberal group People for the American Way.

Chevy Chase has become irrelevant in Hollywood and he is bitter. His career has deteriorated to the point that he is hosting not the Oscars, not the Golden Globes, not the MTV Movie Awards not even the People's Choice Awards but the People for the American Way's Spirit of Liberty Awards. Wow. I guess the phone's not ringing as much as it used to, huh Chev?

To further illustrate how far out the spotlight Mr. Chase has fallen, let's take a quick peek at his latest work. His last five movies include Goose!, The Karate Dog, Mariti in affitto, Bad Meat and Vacuums. Has anyone heard of these movies? The Karate Dog? WTF!

Chase has mocked the President's intellect in the past by saying "this guy's as bright as an egg timer". Two nights ago he called the President "uneducated". He must have meant except for Yale and Harvard.

It looks like this boob has taken a page out of the Barbra Streisand book for making yourself look stupid. Have I mentioned that Barbra Streisand is stupid? Chase thought he was funny when he said President Bush "thinks DNA means Daddy Knows All the Right People". Apparently Chase thinks that he is smarter than our President, but isn't aware of the fact that the word Knows doesn't begin with an N.

If Chevy Chase is looking to jump back up to the A list from the C list he shouldn't try to do it by spitting vulgarities and insults at our President. He should start making movies that don't go straight to DVD. Perhaps he should re-examine what it was that made him popular in the past. I seem to remember that he was at the peek of his popularity when he was throwing himself down flights of stairs on Saturday Night Live. Maybe he should try putting a new twist on that old bit and try throwing himself out of a window.

Jennifer Lopez

2004-12-16T07:25:00.000-08:00

This woman bothers me simply because I see too much of her. She is spoiled, wealthy, attractive and talented which makes her a Paris Hilton with talent. Have I mentioned that Paris Hilton has no talent?

Jennifer Lopez has sold 35 million records which is impressive. Didn't Leif Garrett do that too? I wonder where he is now. She actually reminds me a bit of him come to think of it. They both have long wavy hair; wear tight leather pants, sing and act. I think you know where I am going with this.

On the bright side she has come a long way over the past year. She only sucks half as much as she used to. I started to warm up to her right after she dumped that disingenuous, phony hypocrite of a fake Red Sox fan Ben Affleck. Have I mentioned that I don't like Ben Affleck? Now when I see Ms. Lopez on TV I only want to gouge out one of my eyeballs instead of both of them. Clearly I am warming up to her.

I also have a real problem with people in Hollywood that get married purely for the photo op. People such as Jennifer Lopez, Liz Taylor, Julia Roberts and Brittany Spears really turn my stomach. Nobody should spend more time deciding what they are going to wear to the Grammy Awards than they do in deciding who there are going to marry.

This (insert sarcastic inflection) merchandising genius (return to regular dialect) named her clothing line JLO and then declared to the world that she was not to be referred to as J-Lo anymore and that she preferred Jennifer Lopez. What a brilliant marketing decision that was! Way to build the brand, numb nuts.

I don't like her music, I don't like her movies, I don't care for her clothing line (ok except the lingerie but that's it!) and I would never buy her perfume for my wife. Despite all of this I could probably tollerate her in small doses. The problem is I have already OD'd.

Tara Reid

2004-12-15T09:40:00.000-08:00

Look at Tara Reid's filmography. Her best movie was American Pie (which I love) but her second best movie is American Pie 2. Why again is she so famous? She has been in 18 movies that have been released, the second best of which is a sequel. I wonder if her career will go the way of Steve Guttenberg? It is like knowing that a train wreck is going to happen but not knowing the exact time. I'm happy to sit back and wait.

She was dating Tom Brady for a while which made me, and every other Patriots fan on the planet, a little nervous. The thoughts of this psycho getting inside his head was really freaking me out. Apparently he came to his senses after she beat him in a beer funnel chug-off and threatened to kick his ass.

This woman is more famous for getting into drunken fist fights with other celebrities than for her movies. What's a girl to do when the expiration date on her career is rapidly approaching? Whip out the boobie! At a P-Diddy party last month she stood in front of the paparazzi for a good 15 seconds with her left breast completely exposed before an event coordinator had to step in and put her dress back on her. I'm SURE that it was just an honest mistake.

Are you hungry for attention? Don't worry Tara, I bet that Josie and the Pussycats 2 could put you back on top.

Nicole Richie

2004-12-15T09:37:00.000-08:00

Nicole Richie is not as good looking as Paris Hilton and somehow has even less talent. I think that should cover it.

Paris Hilton

2004-12-15T05:48:00.000-08:00

Nothing bothers me more than famous people that lack talent. People that are famous simply because they are famous are the worst. Paris Hilton is pretty but no more so than 2,000 waitresses in Hollywood that you have never heard of. The problem with that is I am willing to bet that the average waitress in Hollywood has much more talent. Now I have been made aware of some of Ms. Hilton's talents on the Internet, but those are not the type of skills that should land you your own reality TV show (or perhaps those are exactly the type of skills needed to rise to the top in Hollywood).

I was surprised to learn that she recently wrote a book entitled Confessions of an Heiress. This modern marvel of literary accomplishment begins with the chapter entitled How to Be an Heiress. I am amazed that there is actually enough mindless dribble to fill 192 pages! I am not sure who bothers me more Paris Hilton or the maniacs that bought this book. Does anyone need to read an instructional guide on how to be an heiress? I though that all you needed to do was have rich parents. It doesn't seem like there is much work or planning involved in that. Some chapters that apparently didn't make it past the editors desk include How to Lose a Video Tape, What Shades of Lipstick Look Hot in Green Night-Vision Lighting and my favorite How to Ensure that Your Boobs Pop Out at Just the Right Time on the Runway.

Barbara Walters should be put out to pasture after naming her one of the ten "most fascinating people of 2004." Give me a break! Fascinating? What is fascinating is that ABC News considers her news.

If Paris Hilton's name were Paris Smith you wouldn't even know that she existed.

Ben Affleck

2004-12-14T16:23:00.000-08:00

Ben Affleck wrote and starred in perhaps my favorite movie of all time; Good Will Hunting. Having grown up in South Boston, I must admit that it was truly a great story and was very well written. However since then Mr. Affleck has done a number of things that really piss me off.

Since when did this guy become the voice of my beloved Red Sox? A couple of years ago, during a guest Red Sox telecast he criticized Framingham MA native and former Red Sox second baseman Lou Merloni by saying that his .192 batting average was "making a mockery of his career". Merloni responded by saying "A mockery? A mockery are his last four movies." During this same visit he criticized Trot Nixon's ability to hit left-handers which prompted Nixon to take a shot at Affleck's acting abilities by saying "He absolutely stinks. Matt Damon made you what you are, slick." Then all of a sudden he is hosting spring training breakfast roasts and the Red Sox front office gives this guy front row tickets to World Series games. I don't get it. Why am I supposed to like this guy?

He has had a few good movies but his hit movies to flop ratio doesn't look so good. I would venture to say that Merloni's .192 average looks a lot better. And then there is the whole Bennifer thing...do I even need to go into that? No, its unpleasantness is universal and self explanatory.

Now, as if the world wasn't unfair enough, he is dating Jennifer Garner. This is where I remind myself that I am happily married and I love my family. On to the next issue...

Politics and actors just don't mix. Kinda like liberals and coherent arguments. Mr. Affleck criticized President Bush this summer at a breakfast with Florida delegates by complaining that he got an additional $1 million from the Bush tax cuts that he didn't need. John Tierney of the New York Times then asked him if he planned to return the money to which Ben promptly said "No" he then elaborated on his well articulated desires by saying "I am not Jesus Christ of the tax code. I can't completely martyr myself." Way to put your money where your mouth isn't Ben.

After flying around the country and stumping with Al Gore in 2000, Affleck didn't even bother to vote. What the hell gives him the right to complain about President Bush, when he didn't even bother to vote? This is the same guy that complained in 2000 that not enough young people voted and appeared on the Rosie O'Donnell show in New York City on the morning of the election and told the audience that he was on his way to vote and that they should too. The problem is that he never registered to vote in New York and had not voted since the 1992 general election when he cast his vote in Los Angeles. What a hypocrite!

Sean Penn

2004-12-14T10:09:00.000-08:00

Oh....where to begin.

Sean Penn is one of the most annoying people in Hollywood which illustrates how fierce a competitor he is. This man is probably the biggest hypocrite in the public eye. He has written letters respectfully urging President Bush to not go to war with Iraq and then bashes him when he is outside of the country. This joker told Larry King that he "aspires to be a pacifist". He must have meant that in the John Gotti aspires to be a Cub Scout leader kind of way. What the hell is this clown talking about?

This is the same guy that was arrested in Nashville TN in 1985 for throwing a "large rock" at two freelance photo journalists. This man of conscience was also arrested in Los Angeles in 1987 for driving while intoxicated. He was actually sentenced to 60 days in jail for punching an extra on the set of the movie Colors (which was apparently not his fault...the other guy snapped a picture of him in between takes....how much of that type of abuse can one man take). This loser was once again arrested on the Upper West Side of Manhattan in 1988 for criminal mischief after he kicked and damaged the car of a photographer. Who does this guy think he is? He is nothing more than an ex-convict with a long history of violent activity. This guy is among the least qualified of anyone in Hollywood to preach about compassion and restraint. Yet he doesn't hesitate to climb up on his soap box and tell us how bad we are.

His pre war trip to Iraq was deplorable. He flew there and denounced the US Government then the coward said that the Iraqis twisted his words and used him as a political pawn in their propaganda game. What did this boob think was going to happen? Saddam Hussein kills his own family members. Did he think that his awe-inspiring presence would change the way this despot viewed the world. Maybe they would gather around a warm fire, sip some tea, perhaps even cuddle? He chums around with a murderous dictator that had been shooting at our military jets in a secure no fly zone for the better part of a decade and has the nerve to call himself a patriot! In fact in February of this year, while he was in South America promoting his movie Mystic River, he said that he was "more patriotic than this President we have, who I consider a traitor of human and American principles." Well there we have it, President Bush is a traitor and Sean Penn is a patriot. I am sure the founding fathers would agree.

I am so sick and tired of how we coddle these movie stars as well. For example, Mr. Penn was allowed to serve his jail sentence in The Mono County Jail in Bridgeport California (which is 350 miles away from LA in the heart of the Sierra Nevada Mountains). The actor was allowed to pay $80 per day for the privilege of not becoming somebody's bitch in the LA Men Central Jail. What is even worse is that he was released after only 5 days served so that he could fly to Europe to fulfill a movie filming commitment and when he returned he only served an additional 27 days. The state of California really sent him a strong message. You better not attack another innocent person in this state again or...or it is back to the country club in the mountains for you...and we won't even let you ski! Penn loves talking about our heartless administration and he loves being the poster child for the "Two Americas" Democrats. There clearly are two Americas. The one where pampered movie stars get a free pass and the one that everyone else lives in.

After all of his America bashing, what does the Hollywood establishment do? They give him an Oscar for his performance in Mystic River. That is the movie where Sean Penn so persuasively portrays an Irish mobster that spent his entire life in Boston yet somehow has developed a Brooklyn accent. I think that my home movies of my dog licking her own ass could have earned the Oscar for best documentary this year, if I had publicly denounced President Bush in the months leading up to Academy Awards.

Sean Penn should wake up every morning and thank God that he was lucky enough to be born in this country, because if he were born in Iraq I suspect that he would have died an early and very unpleasant death at the hands of his buddy Saddam.

Tim Robbins

2004-12-13T09:01:00.000-08:00

It actually pains me to admit that I think that Tim Robbins is a good actor. Top Gun, Bull Durham & The Shawshank Redemption are some of my favorite movies. However there are few people on the planet that I dislike more.

For some crazy reason some people actually care about Hollywood actors. They buy cheesy magazines at the supermarket check-out to read about Mary-Kate Olsen's eating disorder or to find out who J-Lo is married to this week. I just don't get it. Reading about this garbage ranks right below scraping bird terds out from under bridge girders on my rather lengthy list of priorities. Yet the fact that people buy this trash seems to send a message to Mr. Robbins that not only do people care about where he got his latest Botox injection they also must care about his thoughts on foreign policy.

Timmy, if you're reading this please pay attention. People magazine has a net paid circulation of 3.35 million people. That might sound like a lot but it only represents 1.1% of the US population. That means that there are approximately 296 million people that don't care enough about you or your Hollywood friends to subscribe at the cost of $2.19 per issue. The way I see it...I am not alone. Almost nobody in this country cares about what you think. Many more people pay good money to see you acting in movies. Stick to your knitting. As I mentioned earlier I really believe that you a talented actor. In fact, few people are probably even aware of the fact that you are an annoying dolt until you stop acting.

I am not sure what bothers me more about Tim Robbins: his belief that he is a tough guy or the fact that he is charitably disingenuous. As far as his tough guy persona goes, I think that he may have spent too much time with Sean Penn and that they have really convinced each other that they are tough. I guess if I spent the majority of my time surrounded by people that have spent the better part of their adult lives in drama departments and live theatre, I would probably feel somewhat invincible too. Tim's problem is that he forgets that he is not always on the set. I read that he threatened a Washington Post gossip columnist by saying "If you ever write about my family again, I will fucking find you and I will fucking hurt you." I had to laugh. Timbo...please see my earlier post where I discuss why Susan Sarandon is so awful. Feel free to post to this blog and I will give you my address so you can hunt me down and give me the beating that you have convinced yourself that you are capable of delivering (I quiver at the thought).

As for his above mentioned disingenuousness, I wanted to vomit when I heard about his stunt at a charitable hockey game in Boston last year. The game is organized by Denis Leary (who is great in my book) for the benefit of the Leary Firefighters Foundation. The game was sponsored by EMC Corporation and MasterCard. This bug, Tim Robbins, played in the game but covered the corporate logo on his uniform with tape because he said that they were not paying him to wear it! Charity knows no limits I guess, huh Tim?

If Tim Robbins wants the media to stay away from him and his family, then he should stop calling them to his press conferences.

Susan Sarandon

2004-12-10T15:11:00.000-08:00

Susan Sarandon is a proud member of the If Bush wins I'll leave The Country in a Hurry Club, otherwise know as B.I.T.C.H..

This woman believes that she can run around saying anything that she wants without any repercussions. Her anti-war/anti-Bush hate speech was happily carried by national newspapers, web sites, television and cable news networks and even radio stations. However she began to cry foul after being shunned by the United Way, the Baseball Hall of Fame and moviegoers. She suggested that there was a right wing conspiracy out to intimidate her by compromising her freedom of speech. What? Isn't it possible that people just don't like what you have to say and they chose to send you a message? Just as you have the right to criticize our military and political policies, I have the right to not buy a ticket to your awful movies. Your argument doesn't even make sense. The only reason that people are boycotting your movies is because the press printed EVERYTHING you had to say and America simply aint buyin what you're sellin.

Politics aside, I can't think of a movie that she has been in (except Bull Durham) that I actually liked. I am also sick and tired of the media describing her as "sexy", eeewwww! She has complained about there not being enough sexy roles in Hollywood for women over the age of 40. Earth to Susan....there are roles like that available in Hollywood...the problem is they go to sexy women!

Her problem is that she is embarrassed to be an American and she can't figure out why the rest of us are not. I have a great idea. Why doesn't Ms. Sarandon keep her word and take up residency elsewhere. Perhaps Cuba, Iraq or Afghanistan. I'm sure they would love her there.

Hey Suzie...GET OVER YOURSELF!

Barbra Streisand

2004-12-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

What bothers me most about Barbra Streisand is her distorted perception of self importance. I'm sorry Barb but I just don't care about anything that you say, do or even think. I wish that I could live out the rest of my life without hearing anything about you or your political rants. I don't care for your music and I don't like any of the movies that you have made (I suspect that I will like Meet the Fockers but only because I loved Meet the Parents and I assume that you will do very well in your role as an obnoxious, overbearing and embarrassing mother).

I also hate the fact that you won't retire. Haven't we suffered long enough? Entertainers that threaten to retire in order to sell tickets to an event should be made to refund all of that money if they ever decide to have another farewell concert tour. If you really need the additional cash flow, why don't you try asking people like me to pay you to not do another concert? There has to be millions of us out there. I would be happy to pay $100 for you to not sing again. Kudos to you for raising $5 million for John Kerry but think of how much more money you would have raised for the Democrats if you could get $100 from everyone that hates you as much as I do. I suspect that such a huge financial tsunami would enable you to fund the US deficit, save the snow owls, and endow a chair at Harvard University's Faculty of Arts & Sciences Sociology Department for the study of irritating celebrities and their related adverse effects on an obviously undereducated and disappointingly unpretentious populous.

What is most infuriating about Ms. Streisand is that she has convinced herself that she is an intellectual. She has poked fun at our President for his cerebral shortcomings because George W. Bush was only an average student at Yale, as if being average at Yale makes you stupid! Now obviously the academic rigors at Erasmus Hall High School on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn are far more stringent than that of Yale University....so much so that Barbra obviously felt that college education would be a waste of her time. I mean what more could she possibly learn? I am sure that if she had simply chosen to apply to Yale, she would have been accepted early admission and would have immediately shot to the top of her class. Nobody should ever question another person's intellect if they are not as smart as that person. Those that do, simply lack credibility. It is like taking dieting tips from a fat person, it makes no sense. This is the same woman that issued a press release stating that Saddam Hussein was the leader of Iran. Just shut up!

Lastly, Barbra (along with a long list of other celebrities that I hate) threatened to leave the country in 2000 if Bush won the Presidency. What was that some kind of cruel joke? I have been waiting for 4 years now. Please end my suffering....I mean she could move to a country like France where she would be revered for her brilliant thinking. She is probably the reason that President Bush won in 2000 to begin with. I happen to like our President very much, but even if I hated him, I still would have voted for him in 2000 just to get rid of her. In fact I am willing to bet that if she had not threatened to leave the country, Bush probably would have lost to Al Gore in a 1984 style landslide.

I don't think she'll leave but it gives me something to hope for.

Welcome to my Blog

2004-12-10T07:13:00.000-08:00

I decided to start this blog because there is not a place on the web for regular people to tell the Hollywood establishment how badly they suck. I have a very long list of actors, actresses, singers, athletes and entertainers that really bother me and I decided to do something about it. These people have easy access to the media and are able to cram their silly thoughts down our throats while we sit there shaking our heads. Now it is our turn to let them know how we feel about them.

My true intent is to publish a list of people that really bother me and explain why. I hope that other intelligent folks will add additional content that further support my contentions as to why these people are so horrible. I also welcome you to nominate additional targets for our discussion.

My initial list is as follows:
Barbra Streisand
Susan Sarandon
Tim Robbins
Sean Penn
Ben Affleck
Paris Hilton
Nicole Richie
Tara Reid
Jennifer Lopez
Julia Roberts
Neve Campbell
P Diddy
Britney Spears
Whoppi Goldberg
Bette Midler
Billy Crystal
Sarah Jessica Parker
Bruce Springsteen
Dan Rather
Michael Moore
Star Jones
Lindsey Lohan
Joan Rivers
Melissa Rivers
Howard Stern
Katie Couric
Alec Baldwin
Simon Cowell
Ryan Seacrest
Ashton Kutcher
Anna Nichole Smith
Gwyneth Paltrow
Madonna
David Schwimmer
Eminem
Keanu Reeves
Wayne Brady
Demi Moore
Patrick Swayze
Wesley Snipes
Kelly Osbourne
Barry Bonds
Cher
Michael Jackson
Ricky Martin
Dennis Rodman
Gerard Depardieu
Warren Sapp
Keyshawn Johnson
Latrell Spreewell
Ron Artest
Jason Kidd
Ray Lewis
Randy Moss
Pedro Martinez
George Steinbrenner
Jason Giambi
Alex Rodriguez
Bucky @$#&*&! Dent